


i might never come down

by AProxyNation



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Depressive Thoughts, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Porn with Feelings, Post-Game, Romance, Semi-Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AProxyNation/pseuds/AProxyNation
Summary: nowadays things go wrong when she thought about akira kurusubut sumire’s learning to be okay with that
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Yoshizawa Sumire | Yoshizawa Kasumi, Kurusu Akira/Yoshizawa Sumire | Yoshizawa Kasumi, Persona 5 Protagonist/Yoshizawa Sumire | Yoshizawa Kasumi, Sumire Yoshizawa & Phantom Thieves of Heart
Comments: 19
Kudos: 97





	1. you are my shining star,

**Author's Note:**

> story title comes from "Come Down" by Anderson .Paak.

Sumire Yoshizawa wanted to drown.

It all started when she came home and started on her homework. The work itself isn't special but because of that, her mind wandered to Akira as it usually does. Her boyfriend (even talking to herself, that word is so... _embarrassing_ ) has been a constant even after he had to leave for his parents in March.

He and the rest of the Phantom Thieves were planning on going on a road trip during summer break. Just because she is Akira's girlfriend, she was invited to come with them. She couldn't because she would have competitions in the middle of it but they all agreed to push their trip back so that Akira could hangout with just her for a week.

The thought of having a week with him, to herself… What would they do for that entire time? They could go back to the jazz club and she could finally have another chance to play darts with him, to show him how much she improved at it. They could go to the park and practice so she could see if he's still in shape. They could go to Leblanc and go upstairs and-and-

Oh. Oh no.

Sumire groaned into her hands and she could feel the heat of her face on them. Stupid Sumire- Why did you go there? He probably doesn't even want to do tha-that with you. Ugh.

She uncups her hands from her face and her body _burns_ like she was summoning Ella again but isn't like that at all. Absentmindedly finishing her homework, she wishes that this feeling would just stop. Like when the guilt of-

She finishes the last question and packs up the papers into her bag. Would he even do it with her as she was now? She knows that he would support her with anything she does but sometimes doubt crawls up on her like fleas. She may have gotten rid of them but the itch is still there. 

She feels hot and cold and the whole spectrum of _shame_ as she turns the lights off and flops onto her bed.

And now she's here. Wishing that her bed could turn into a pool so she could finally stop having these thoughts and drown from shame. Shame for regressing back to her old thoughts, shame for even thinking that Akira wouldn't accept her as she was. And maybe some shame for thinking about doing _it_ with Akira. 

She feels her underwear getting wet. Okay, mostly shame from doing _it_ with Akira.

She isn't getting anywhere laying down like this. Turning over, she let her legs fall to the ground as she goes through her nightly routine. She removes the ribbon behind her head, her hair falling down to its natural position. She thought of combining her glasses with Kasumi's look but she felt like it was a bastardization of both of their styles. She did ask for Akira's opinion but she didn't get a response back to that. At all. Unusual but either he must've been busy at the time or he disapproved of it.

(When Sumire sent that picture to Akira, Morgana had to scratch at him to snap out of it every time he looked at it. To this day, there are rumors about Akira fighting a lion which, to Akira's annoyance, makes Morgana's ego soar.)

Exiting out of her bedroom, she enters the bathroom and takes a hot shower. A shower should remove any of these thoughts out of her head. Surely. 

As the steam builds up around her, her mind goes to the Phantom Thieves. They were- are, they are his comrades including Akechi-senpai. Akechi-senpai… Sumire doesn't know how to feel about him. From knowing him from her father's job at the TV station, the Akechi there seemed to be a charming prince, willing to get everyone under his wing with his smile. The Akechi when they faced Maruki (the name makes Sumire have a varying array of emotions that she doesn't want to go into, not now) was- unhinged like he was a wild animal. Or he was trying to run away from something. 

...Like she's any better than him at the time.

The water turns lukewarm and Sumire turns the shower off. Pulling herself out and dressing, she brushes her teeth. It's strange looking at her foggy reflection without her glasses, somedays. It's- well, it was- a cover for herself. To say to herself and others that she was different from Kasumi when she was alive. She should just throw away those frames now but every time she had the chance to, she can't bring herself to do it. It's just… she shouldn't run away from herself anymore.

She finishes brushing and heads back to bed. Dropping herself onto her mattress, disappointment rings in her as the one feeling she was hoping won't return- returns in force after doing all of that. How could she get rid of this? She looks at her phone. Well...

Walking over to her desk and picking up her phone, she lays back onto her bed, typing _my vag-_ and stops. Is she really going to type in what is essentially, _I'm wet and I don't know how to deal with it without masturbating_ on her phone? Nope. She's not. Shutting off and putting her phone on her pillow, Sumire elects to just- sleep it off. It'll be gone before she knows it.

She doesn't sleep well.

She tosses and turns as her vagina wets her bedwear and she thinks of Akira holding her tight as he did when Coach liked her performance. She dreams of Akira kissing her and holding her everywhere, laying claim to her body as they reach climaxes over and over together. 

A faint glow comes from her curtains and she's glad that it's Sunday or Shujin would just tear into her. Her hair is frayed all over her face and probably her pillows. Sweat covers her body like a bad rash. Her face probably has a great blush on it too. But at least that _feeling_ was gone. So, it's fine. 

She looks at her phone which, somehow, stayed on her pillow and sees a new message from Futaba-senpai.

_6:36am - my vag? did u forget the rest of the word sumire?_

It isn't fine. Sumire wishes the universe could stop Futaba-senpai when she gets like this but she knows from experience and stories from the Thieves that this morning's start is going to get worse.

_6:37am - ha! u should look at ur face_

Right, she has access to her camera. Sumire covers the little lens, knowing how vain the attempt is.

_6:37am - i only see that if it involves akira_

Sumire buries her face into a pillow so she wouldn't have to see Futaba-senpai's embarrassing messages. Futaba-senpai probably thinks that she's wanting to do _that_ with Akira sooner or later. The incessant ringing comes from Sumire's phone as she tries to think of other things than Akira like giraffes or Akir- dang it.

Her will dissolving, Sumire peaks at her phone-

_6:37am - Futaba: sumire u need to chill out i was just teasing with u_

_6:37am - Futaba: whats wrong tho?_

_6:37am - Futaba: OOOOOO_

_6:38am - Futaba: UR THIRSTIN OVER AKIRA_

Sumire winces at the accurate assessment. But Futaba-senpai isn't done.

_6:39am - Futaba: i get the prob_

_6:39am - Futaba: u have my conse-_

Sumire shut down her phone and went on to her morning routine. She still has practice with Coach during the day after all.

* * *

It didn't go poorly.

Sumire can say that at least and Coach didn't comment on it although she did have a look on her face at the end of practice that Sumire doesn't want to think about.

At all.

Sumire gets home and starts cooking herself some curry because if she's being honest with herself, she's missing Akira.

It must've been a busy day for her parents since usually, they would be home by now.

Serving herself a bowl, she bowed a silent thanks and looked at her phone. The Phantom Thieves chat, somehow, was always active even months after disbanding.

_7:11pm - Ann: *CatOutfit.png*_

_7:11pm - Ann: Morgana, I think I've found the perfect outfit for you!_

_7:15pm - Akira: Morgana says: "Yes."_

_7:15pm - Futaba: No he didnt_

_7:15pm - Akira: Shut._

_7:16pm -Yusuke: Morgana, you must model for me with this outfit! It's the most striking thing I've seen!_

_7:16pm - Ryuji: Yusuke_

_7:17pm - Ryuji: Morganas gonna claw your ass when he sees you over the summer_

_7:17pm - Haru: Oh! Ann, that's an adorable outfit! Where did you find it?_

_7:17pm - Ann: I just found it in a pet shop in Kichijoji._

_7:18pm - Makoto: I have to agree with Haru, Ann. Akira when you're here, we should have a photo op of Morgana._

_7:19pm - Futaba: *morganasreaction.mp4*_

Sumire's glad that she already ate all of her curry or she would be spitting it all out with how cute Morgana was when he's sitting on Akira's head or when he started to use Akira as a chair complaining about how much that outfit didn't suit him until Akira told him that Ann sent that in which he simmered down.

_7:23pm - Futaba: told u_

_7:24pm - Akira: i can't believe that you would betray me and morgana like that_

_7:24pm - Futaba: love u_

_7:25pm - Akira: I'm going to claw your ass_

_7:25pm - Futaba: better start with sumire then_

Sumire felt her grip on her phone loosen at surprise.

_7:26pm - Sumire: Futaba-senpai!_

_7:26pm - Futaba: What hes ur bf_

_7:26pm - Akira: She's right_

Everyone else in the chat is probably talking about it but Sumire can't read it as she drops her phone onto the table. The thought of Akira over her when she's bent over and he's- he's doing _that_ to her? 

Sumire wishes that she didn't think that was sort of hot. 

Because of that, she's confused between wanting to coil her hands into fists to crush the embarrassment or to cover her face to not confront it. She elects to pick up her dishes and start cleaning them with a bit too much vigor.

Finishing the dishes, her phone started ringing with notifications. Sighing at herself, Sumire picks up her phone and walks to her room and locks it. She has a feeling she's not going to like what's happening in her dms. She looks down at her phone.

At the top of her notifications was Futaba-senpai (oh no), then some messages from Akira. Futaba-senpai's probably going to pester her for the longest if she ignores it so that's the first one that Sumire reads.

_6:40am - Futaba: sumire i know you turned off ur phone_

_6:40am - Futaba: and that ull see this later_

_6:40am - Futaba: so im sending you some research material_

Oh no.

_6:41am - Futaba: *work1.zip* *work2.zip* *work3.zip*_

How could Futaba-senpai be so shameless? Sumire walks to her desk, starts charging her phone, and lays against the wood with her forehead. Ugh. Ugggh. And she still has to see the rest of Futaba-senpai's messages. _Ugh_.

_6:41am - Futaba: i won't record anything if you do anything with them ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

Sumire questions herself why she's continuing reading this.

_6:41am - Futaba: akira really likes the third one for some reason_

Sumire raises an eyebrow at that. Why in the world would Akira watch any of these- Unless it was Futaba-senpai forcing him but she might be extremely frustrating and embarrassing but Sumire just couldn't see Futaba-senpai forcing anyone to do anything unless it's Sakura-san.

Actually…That's the last message from the morning. Sumire wonders if this is what international organizations do for torture.

_7:27pm - Futaba: sumire_

_7:27pm - Futaba: sumireee_

_7:27pm - Futaba: stop washing the dishes and let me help u with ur probs_

_7:32pm - Futaba: ok nvm helping_

_7:32pm - Futaba: ur face is too precious to not to be shared_

_7:32pm - Futaba: *sumirebeingacutemire.zip*_

She made an entire file about it!? Sumire smacks her head back onto the desk. She probably sent that Akira too. A sense of mortification fills her before settling because she still has to go through reading this all.

_7:32pm - Futaba: ur ok with this right_

Oh. That's the last message. Sumire let out a breath.

_7:33pm - Sumire: No, not at all!_

_7:33pm - Futaba: sorry i guess my teasing went too far_

_7:33pm - Futaba: akira likes it all tho_

Of course, Futaba-senpai would send that file to Akira. But she probably made that file just for that…

_7:33pm - Sumire: Well, if only Akira-senpai sees them…_

_7:34pm - Futaba: yeah im sorry if i overstepped my boundaries_

_7:34pm - Sumire: I accept your apology for this morning and now. I won't ask you to remove the bug this time since I know you're only doing it for our safety._

And your amusement. And that you didn't listen to the few other times that everyone asked.

_7:34pm - Futaba: ok_

_7:34pm - Futaba: but u look really flustered_

_7:34pm - Futaba: even more than usual_

Sumire put her finger over her selfie camera so Futaba-senpai doesn't see the blush on her face.

_7:34pm - Futaba: bruh_

_7:34pm - Futaba: well remember that u have the entire pts on ur side if you need anything_

Sumire smiles at that. She does, she just keeps forgetting that…

_7:34pm - Futaba: *sumirereaction.png*_

Sumire feels a hot flash of surprise as she sees a picture of her with a small smile on her face against the backdown of her room. Her finger must've subconsciously slipped off of the camera.

_7:35pm - Futaba: also i recommend watching the things in the files_

_7:35pm - Futaba: they help me when im feeling_

_7:35pm - Futaba: u know_

A bit too well, in Sumire's opinion.

Allowing herself a break from her phone, she lays her head against her desk and groaned. Did Futaba-senpai really have to send her what she thinks she sent her? She still needs to see what Akira said...

Flipping over her phone, she selects Akira's dms and sees three messages:

_7:27pm - Akira: You okay?_

_7:27pm - Akira: You know how it gets in the chat and I know how you feel about sex._

Sumire wonders how Akira could just say that so casually as her thoughts lead her to other things that she would rather not think about again.

_7:32pm - Akira: also, you're too adorable_

She also wonders how she hasn't dug a hole into the ground yet.

_7:37pm - Sumire: thank you_

_7:38pm - Akira: you're welcome_

_7:38pm - Akira: But seriously though, you okay?_

_7:39pm - Sumire: I'm fine. I know you all like to tease me but it's all okay_

_7:39pm - Sumire: Since I know you'll be here to see if I'm all right._

At the bottom of her phone, she could see Akira typing back a response but for a while, he stopped. Sumire couldn't push down the small smile from her face. 

_7:41pm - Akira: I'm glad you know that_

_7:41pm - Akira: Still, you know if you need anything from me just hit me up._

_7:41pm - Sumire: Of course!_

But there's something that's been scratching in the back of her mind since she saw one of Futaba-senpai's messages and she just had to ask even if it's-

_7:42pm - Sumire: Actually, why did Futaba-senpai say that you really liked the third file?_

_7:42pm - Akira: Third file? The one full of cat videos?_

What.

_7:43pm - Sumire: Cat_

_7:43pm - Sumire: Videos?_

_7:43pm - Akira: Oh god, she got you too with that?_

But Futaba-senpai was so _forward_ in her texts- She looks into the first fi- what.

It's all just. Memes. Sumire has a feeling this is what Futaba meant by "I won't record anything if you do anything with them" with the amount of shock that must be on her face. She pressed back to her messaging app.

_7:45pm - Sumire: yes_

The second file is just videos of some Phantom Thieves misadventures. (Sumire made a backup copy of that one, those seem like good memories to hold onto) It is nice to know that Futaba's been recording what they've done over the past year when the Phantom Thieves were still a thing. They all had some pretty interesting conversations in Mementos... 

And the third file is- ok. Sumire can understand why it's Akira's favorite one. Some of them are random cat videos from the internet while some others are Morgana doing a trick with Akira. How much sushi did Akira buy for this? (Sumire made a backup copy of this one too because come on).

_7:54pm - Sumire: Why is Futaba-senpai like this._

_7:54pm - Akira: Cause you're her sister-in-law_

Akira why. Sumire speculates how she could survive with a blush this hard and this long-lasting.

_7:55pm - Sumire: Don't phase it like that!_

_7:55pm - Sumire: You make it sound like we're married._

_7:56pm - Akira: Everyone acts like we are though_

They do?! Sumire put her face into her arm. She just thought that people thought they were just a normal couple! Wait, this could be her way to get back at Akira…

_7:57pm - Sumire: I guess we need to act more like it then if I don't see it._

_7:57pm - Akira: I guess we do, Sweetie._

Okay, maybe this wasn't the way to go. But if she doubles down on this-

_7:58pm - Sumire: That's the spirit, Honey!_

_7:58pm - Akira: I'm glad you're supportive, Cutie Pie._

_7:58pm - Sumire: Not as much as you, Darling._

This is a dumb idea but Sumire can't help but smile at her phone. Maybe she should start a count of how many times she could use a pet name with Akira-

_8:00pm - Akira: This is so cheesy_

_8:00pm - Akira: I can't believe you're going along with this_

Ha. Sumire chortles to herself and wonders if this is how Futaba feels like.

_8:01pm - Sumire: :)_

Sumire could see Akira typing different responses to that but after a minute, he stops. She'll take that as a win. Mentally fist-pumping, Sumire put her phone down for the, hopefully, last time tonight as she felt a small weight go off of her shoulders. But during all of that, she could feel her, ah, panties still soaked from her… suggestive conversation with Futaba-senpai.

Well, she could always just. Do what Futaba-senpai _implied_ with her language. But that's so…

Argh. Sumire got into her underwear and dropped face-first onto her bed. Even after all this time, her body has been screaming at her to do something about this. Sumire let out a sigh into her pillow. She can't believe what she's going to do.

Swallowing her embarrassment, she thinks of what Akira would do in this situation. He would probably hold her… She let one of her arms lightly wrap around herself, rubbing her back as gently as she can. Okay. What else would he do? He would… Hold her even harder? Kiss her? How would she kiss herself? Would he _claw her-_

Sumire groans in frustration. She isn't getting anywhere with this approach. She rolls herself over to see her phone. She could always ask Akira- but would he really help her with this?

It was either trying to crop a feel with herself or talk to Akira. Well, when she put it that way…

Picking up herself, she goes over to get her phone. Does she really want to do this? Akira's probably sleeping with Morgana right now and she's calling him about this? He's probably going to tease her mercilessly about it. But he never really teased her about anything serious and he knows how sensitive she feels about this…

Aw, screw it. She picks up her phone and calls Akira. She starts going back to her bed before-

"Sumi? Is there something wrong?" Sumire smiles at the speed that Akira picked up his phone.

"Nothing too important Senpai, just…" Oh. Maybe this was a mistake. Sumire feels her next words dry up in her throat as she tries to push them out. She sits onto her bed. Akira stayed quiet as Sumire finally got the words she wanted to say. "Um, is Morgana-senpai nearby first of all?" Sumire could hear some shifting in the background before hearing: "I'm always here, Sumire!"

Sumire couldn't help but giggle. "Alright, okay. Um." It seems like this blush must be chronic for how much it's coming up today. "Morgana-senpai, I don't think you wanna listen to this."

Akira's steady voice comes into her ear. "Why?"

"It's a bit… Embarrassing."

"Okay." Some rustling of clothes. "You've heard her." His voice is muzzled by the distance from his phone.

She could hear Morgana sigh. "I'll go out tonight." Sumire feels her smile come up again before Morgana says: "Akira, you owe me sushi."

"Morgana, when don't I?"

"Hmph, true. I'll catch you later."

"Morgana, wait. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"...I'm assuming he jumped out of the window?" Sumire has a feeling that he-

"Yeah." His voice is back at full volume.

"He has a habit of doing that."

"You're saying that to me?" Both of them chuckled at that. "... So what's up Sumi?"

Okay Sumire, you could tell him this. It's going to be fine. It's going to be _fine_. "Y-You know why Futaba-senpai was teasing me before?"

"Because that's just her?"

"I mean- yes but-" Sumire took a deep breath and breathed it out. No one's going to think down on you about this. "So Futaba-senpai teased me before because of last night I.. Um. I, I was- I was having a- I was having a wet dream about you." Okay, she passed that wall. Phew.

She just heard a quiet "O-oh" over the line.

"Yeah." 

"Did it feel good?" Akira's voice was its usual confident but yet quiet nature. 

"I- what?" 

"Did it feel good?" Akira repeated with the same tone with… Sumire doesn't know. Interest?

"Um, I- I didn't have any other kind of wet dream before this one so…" Sumire allowed herself to lay down on her bed since her body's burning up from embarrassment right now.

"Yes?"

"Um, sure." Sumire smiled despite her reaction.

"Then I don't see the problem." Even Sumire could hear his smile through her phone.

"Oh no! No, it's not really about that." Sumire took in another breath. "I'm, uh- also, really- ah- goodness this is hard." She could imagine Akira in front of her with his usual comforting stare as she sputters out her words. Was she hyperventilating from all of this breathing? "I'm really h-horny for you, right now and uh- before. Last night."

"Oh." Sumire could only hear light breathing from the other side of the line. "That's-"

Sumire giggled, feeling the heat radiating from her face. "I guess I caught you on the back foot on that one, huh Senpai?"

"You did." Akira chuckled quietly. "It's not every day that my girlfriend calls me up to tell me she's horny."

Wait, if he's actually surprised by this… "Do you want me to?"

Sumire heard Akira make a small choking noise. "Excus- what?" This is one of the few times that Sumire has heard Akira be flustered at anything. She needs to do this more.

"Do you want me to do that?"

"I mean… If you're comfortable with it."

"I wouldn't if I wasn't."

There was some small rustling and Akira's voice was subdued from what Sumire thinks is his hands. "I didn't think you would have this much of this in you Sumire."

"I have a good teacher."

Some movement. "You're welcome." He said clearly. Sumire hummed and smiled before remembering the constant heat of her body which has turned from a furnace to something like the more bearable summer air, where the humidity is high and she wished that she didn't have her clothes on. "But I'm guessing you're still turned on now right?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Well, um." Akira cleared his throat. "We could have phone sex."

"Phone. Sex?" Oh- maybe she should've cropped a feel with herself. If she did that she probably wouldn't want her bed to drown her again and her heart wouldn't feel like she's been running for days. "U-um, I- don't-"

"It's okay." Sumire could feel her embarrassment come down from his voice. "I'm just suggesting something to help you with, uh, being horny." Sumire cringes. "Ah, we could also talk about other things."

"I-I think we should do the latter," Sumire says quickly, fast enough that she hears the buzz of the phone call until Akira speaks again.

"Alright." Sumire could hear Akira's smile. "I'm assuming you're still eating by the truck ton?"

"Truck ton? Senpai, we've already discussed this..." Despite the tease, Sumire couldn't help but beam at the divergence in the conversation.

* * *

"Sumi," Akira said with the most aggravated tone Sumire has ever heard from him. 

Sumire regrets this conversation. So much. "I mean, I saw some with Kasumi when we were younger but-"

"You can't just tell me you haven't watched Seamen Luna before. When you awaken your persona, it's just like in that show." Sumire's learning a lot of things about her boyfriend tonight and she doesn't know how to feel about it. How would she know that Akira is really into anime?

"I guess… I was subconsciously influenced by it?" 

"The day I'm back, we're watching all of the seasons," Akira says and Sumire pouts knowing that Akira won't see it.

"If that's the case, the day afterward we're going to the park to practice." 

"Wait, we're already planning my week? I thought I would have more freedom than this!" Even someone as dense as Sumire could hear the mock shock that Akira is speaking with.

"The only person you can blame this on is yourself, Sen~pai." They both giggle. 

"Hey now-" A loud knock, on what seems to be a window. "Ah, I think I've left Morgana out for too long."

A couple of footsteps comes through the speaker while Sumire turns her phone to look at the time. 10:34pm. They've been talking for over two hours?!

"It is around ten-thirty. Senpai, I think we should cut this short." A window slides open and Sumire could hear- 

"Took you long enough," Morgana says, probably with a flourish of his tail. "There's not a lot to do here Akira." 

"You could always infiltrate Junes again." 

"But that's too easy…" 

"You didn't say that when the bear was there."

"He was always pestering me! How could I sneak around when he's-" 

Sumire clears her throat. "Senpai, I think I'm going to bed now." 

"Okay, Sumi. Love you."

"Love you too." Ending the call, Sumire clutches her phone close to her heart and closes her eyes. What did she do in a past life to deserve Akira? She has to do something special for him when he comes back. She opens her eyes and looks down at her panties. 

She could- 

No. 

She shouldn't. She _shouldn't be thinking about this._

She should also not offer sex to Akira- but what could go wrong? Of course, they could get an STI, or she could get a baby… Maybe in the future, she'll entertain the latter. But she's been on the pill for years because of gymnastics and there was a clinic near Leblanc-

Oh, she's actually thinking about this. Oh no. 

W-well, she's just getting prepared! Just in case Akira offers during his stay in a few weeks. Yeah. That's all. If she is getting prepared though, she probably needs to get new clothes. Just in case.

Sumire picks herself from her bed and goes to her drawer that has all of her underwear. She only has a few strawberry pairs and plain black ones. If she is preparing for Akira, she needs a second opinion on what to pick. Sumire looks down on her phone. Well, she can't ask Akira since she wants it to be a surprise. She can't ask Futaba-senpai since- Well. Futaba-senpai.

Who else would have fashion sense and she wouldn't mind going clothes shopping with? 

Ann-senpai. 

Sumire goes into her messaging app and, in hindsight, makes a bold move.

_10:36pm - Sumire: Ann-Senpai?_

_10:36pm - Sumire: I have something to ask of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you only have vanilla p5 and you have to use fanfics to tide you over 2020.
> 
> stay safe


	2. my guiding light,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi changed a bit at the beginning of chapter 1

Like most decisions in her life, Sumire starts to second guess herself.

Not because anything wrong happened! Just- what's going to happen now, now that she's in front of the same clothing store she went into with Akira all those months ago. 

Everyone around here seems to give her a curious glance when they walk by but she ignores them. Ann-senpai wouldn't judge her for her tastes, right? Back then she was pretty kind and passionate and… Heartbroken. All of the Phantom Thieves were like that to some degree when they faced off Maruki (One of these days, she'll think of that name as a name and not a person with good intentions). Who wouldn't be when you're fighting against a man who was granting your every wish?

(Granted, Maruki never gave back her sister or gave her enough ice cream to get her into a coma but that's beside the point.)

"Sumire!" Sumire turns around to see Ann-senpai in her summer outfit jaunt towards her with confidence that Sumire would've envied before (and admittedly still does, just a bit). "I was surprised when you texted me a few days ago." Seeing Ann-senpai's demeanor with her full grin and joyful posture, Sumire couldn't help but smile a little bit. 

"Yeah well-" Oh, this is going to be the difficult part. She shouldn't say too much or Ann-senpai will realize why she's actually here for. Sumire would rather get a shovel and start digging than Ann-senpai commenting on what Sumire’s thinking on doing with Akira. If Akira offers. "I was looking through my wardrobe and saw that I didn't have that much variety. So I thought I could use this as a chance to hang out and get a second opinion."

“So, why couldn’t you ask Akira? I’m sure he’s fine with some pictures of you in-” Ann-senpai wiggles her eyebrows. “ _New outfits._ ” Ann-senpai, don’t say it like that…

“You’re right but…”

"Ah, you want it to be a surprise right?" Well, at least it isn't about- Sumire nods. Ann-senpai's grin grows even wider. "Alright!" Ann-senpai, with a burst of speed that Sumire wouldn't have thought she would have even within the Metaverse, takes her hand and drags her into the store.

* * *

Sumire doesn't want to be mean to Ann-senpai but these outfits are… Not her. Not saying they look bad! In the mirror of the changing room, she's wearing a loose white t-shirt and skinny jeans. They look really nice on her honestly but these jeans are digging into her skin and she is feeling a bit too frisky with this t-shirt with all of its ripped holes. The other ones were almost the same, at least in terms of how… Lax it is, especially in public.

"Sumire, is it good?" Ann-senpai's voice is muffled through the curtain but with how loud she's being that isn't really a problem. Sumire hums in response and moves the curtain to allow Ann-senpai to see. Ann-senpai scans her with a slight nod. "It's so cute on you Sumire!"

"Really?"

"Mhm!" Ann-senpai takes another look at her. "But do you like it?" 

She really has to hit Sumire with the hardest question second, doesn't she? "... No." Sumire adverts her eyes and holds her arm. 

"Oh, don't be like that now. It's fine if you think that something doesn't work on you." Sumire looks back up at Ann-senpai and feels comforted by the understanding look she gives to the younger girl. "Actually, I've been dragging you around the store looking at what I want on you, haven't I?" Ann-senpai ponders as her eyes go downcast. Dang it, she didn't mean to..!

Sumire shakes her head. "It's fine Ann-senpai." She does a little twirl. "I do think I look pretty cute in this, it's just…" She slightly pulls up the hem of her shirt and looks around the store. 

Ann-senpai presses her lips together, looking at the outfit again. "Yeah… Maybe you should go get something you like and I'll comment on it."

Sumire nods and smiles. "Okay. Maybe I'll impress you with what I get." Sumire sees a small smile peering out from Ann-senpai's mouth. 

"Now you're making me excited, Sumire!"

* * *

Sumire steps out of the changing room to see the most gobsmacked expression Sumire has ever seen Ann-senpai with. Sumire looks down at her sundress and she has to admit, she's proud of herself for someone who doesn't have that much fashion sense. "I guess I look good, huh?"

"Sumire." She sees Ann-senpai's thumbs up. "Akira is going to drop dead when he sees you!" W-what? She doesn't look that good- she- 

Sumire slaps her cheeks and feels heat radiating to her hands. Ann-senpai has to be overreacting. That's it. She's just overreacting. Okay, breathe. Okay. Sumire shakes her head. "It- it's not that great, Ann-senpai!" 

Ann-senpai frowns at her and walks up to her, pulling her back into the changing booth. "Yeah no, do you see this?" She waves to the mirror which Sumire takes a second look at. Flowers dot the white dress every so often as Sumire looks at the outfit again. "If Akira saw this, he would've gotten a nose-bleed!" Wait? What?! No- no he wouldn't! 

"Ann-senpai…" Sumire's voice grows small as she covers her face. Well, she did want a second opinion about this… 

"Come on Sumire!" Sumire peeks out from her hands and sees Ann-senpai pick out the rest of the clothing Sumire chose. "If this was your first one then everything else must be even better!" 

Sumire said that she didn't mind shopping with Ann-senpai right? She changes her mind, this is the worst- 

"Sumire, this is a pretty cute office skirt!"

* * *

Ann-senpai is a force to be reckoned with, Sumire decides as she looks into the underwear section. They've been shopping for hours and Sumire has over several new outfits to wear which is great. Sumire just didn't imagine the amount of passion that Ann-senpai has for clothing. Maybe it has something to do with being a model? Sumire could only speculate.

"Ann-senpai." Sumire picks up a random bra. "You think Senpai would like this?" She turns to see Ann-senpai's amused expression. Oh no. Does everyone in the Phantom Thieves copy Akira with that face...? 

"Sumire, I think any bra would work." Ann-senpai puts her hand to her chin. "Have you ever seen him look at you?" Oh. No.

Maybe Sumire should see a doctor get something to prevent blushing. Or get different friends. "U-um. No?" …Why is she using the bra to cover her face from Ann-senpai? Sumire puts the bra down and wishes that it was winter so she would've gotten her scarf to hide behind Ann-senpai's increasingly mischievous grin. 

"He worships the very ground you stand on, you know that?" Sumire shakes her head slowly. Ann-senpai gives out a small snort that Sumire wouldn't have noticed if her eyes weren't so petrified on Ann-senpai's face. "Every time that we were all together, we would always see him look at you with puppy eyes." Ann-senpai then tries to mimic his supposed expression. Did he actually do that? Ann-senpai’s face changes back to smile. "Honestly, we were all taking bets on which day you guys were going out." Wh-wh-what?!

Sumire covers her face. "Real-really?!" She's glad that her hands are in front of her face or she's sure that she would've shouted those words. 

Ann-senpai hums in agreement. "Actually, we've always tried to pry the date from him but he's really tight-lipped about it."

"Jau-January nineteenth." Sumire widens her eyes in shock. Why did she tell that to her? Sumire peers down from her hand cage to see Ann-senpai's frown.

"... I owe Futaba a thousand yen." A-A thousand?! Wait if they all are paying a thousand- in total that would be six..!

"Did you really have to bet so much on us?!" Pressing her hands back up, Sumire wishes that her suffering would end. 

"I mean, it was either that or betting on Akechi taking both of you on a date and making you two kiss." What?! Sumire let her arms fall to her side as her petrified gaze goes up to Ann-senpai's grin. "He was so annoyed about us bickering about you two he was willing to drag you and Akira into the jazz bar and wait there until you two start making out." 

Sumire opens and closes her mouth, searching for the words to that. What do you say to someone that was betting on you and your boyfriend hooking up? And then Akechi of all people would be willing to instigate it? There is nothing to say. 

"Oh, I think I went too far didn't I?" Ann-senpai, if that's your way of apologizing, it's pretty poor… Sumire could only nod in response. Ann-senpai's smirk turns into something gentler that Sumire's body loosens up after what felt like hours being trapped by embarrassment. "Sumire, after you pick out everything you want- wanna go to a crêpe shop nearby? I heard that they have a new strawberry chocolate flavor that I wanna try out. I'll pay." 

Sumire, by all rights, should say no to this. Ann-senpai, while a great person, has really taken the energy out of her. Also, she's still trying to monitor her food intake so she shouldn't go get sweets. 

But an increase to her sugar levels would get her more energy to talk to Ann-senpai...

Since, despite most of today, Ann-senpai is a really fun person to hang out with. 

"S-sure, Ann-senpai."

* * *

After buying everything, she and Ann-senpai go to the crêpe shop and sit down at a table with their orders.

"Sumire, that's-" Ann-senpai chews on her treat, "-surprisingly small for you." Do you really have to talk with your mouth full? Sumire eats another part of her crêpe before replying. 

"Well, that's because I didn't want to throw off my diet with sweets." She says with another nibble. 

"Sometimes, I forget you're a world-class gymnast." Wo-world class?! Sumire crews down the rest of her crêpe to distract her from the misunderstanding that Ann-senpai has. "Like that."

Swallowing the pastry, Sumire grabs a napkin and wipes her mouth. "I'm not that good yet, though."

"Yet." Ann-senpai holds up her index finger. "But from what I heard from Akira, he seems pretty amazed by what you can do." 

Sumire puts the napkin down. "Hehe, that sounds like Senpai. He's just overstating how good I am."

Ann-senpai raises an eye-brow to that and hums. "Akira isn't the type of person to praise anything willy-nilly, you know that right?" Sumire nods and Ann-senpai frowns. "Actually, why do you keep calling him 'Senpai'? I would've thought that he would've asked you to call him by his given name by now." 

"It- it's because…" Sumire curls her hands into her lap and looks down. Even if they're dating, calling Akira anything else other than Senpai seems… personal. Like they're leaping a large barrier into- into…

Ma-

Nope, too early- nope no way, no how. Nope. No. 

(may-)

"Sumire? You there?" Ann-senpai waves her hand in front of Sumire's face, making her look up and blink. "Jeez, I didn't know a simple question would throw you off like that." 

"It's just… Really embarrassing to say." Sumire scratches her cheek. 

"Okay." Wel- wait what? Sumire stares at her. "It's okay to keep the reason to yourself- I never liked it when someone tries to pry into me. It wouldn't be fair if I do that too." 

"...That's admirable to say, Ann-senpai." 

"It's just some basic human decency." Ann-senpai adverts her eyes to the street. "Just unfortunate that most people don't know that." Sumire nods her head. 

"Yeah." Sumire eyes travel to the street and see the typical Japanese foot traffic going to and fro. Silence falls between them as they watch a couple playing with their child, a group of friends chatting, a boy helping an elderly man.

"Do you ever think if they knew what we did a few months ago that they would be happy with our choice?" Sumire looks back at Ann-senpai who is still staring at the street. Sometimes. But this sounds like Ann-senpai wants to get off of her chest so-

"Are you?"

"... I don't know." Ann-senpai starts playing with her hands. "Sometimes I think about Kamoshida and wish that Shiho never- _never_ had to endure that…" Ann-senpai looks back at Sumire. "But in a really fucked up way if she didn't- if she didn't… I wouldn't have been able to meet with _any_ of you. Sumire," Ann-senpai, you're going to cry- Sumire could feel the water going to her eyes as well as she passes a clean napkin to Ann-senpai. Ann-senpai starts wiping the tears from her eyes with the gifted item. "How fucked up am I that I'm _happy_ after what Shiho did- what she had to go through?" 

What would you say to that? Sumire wishes that she had an ounce of Akira's wisdom or Maruki's practice. She looks up at the sky. She guesses she could just… go with a personal anecdote. Breath. Ann-senpai's counting on you, Sumire. Breath. "I… don't know. When my sister died- well you already know. But I don't blame myself for feeling happy afterward anymore because I realized that I could keep on carrying our wish. Ann-senpai, don't blame yourself for this. You already brought Kamoshida into jail so justice is served. And you're still supporting Shiho- so…" Her voice sounds distant from her as she tries to not let that memory of her sister get to her. 

She wonders how Kasumi would handle this- if their places were reversed? Would she give Ann-senpai a pep-talk as she tried to before when she noticed that Sumire was having a bad day? Or would she do what Sumire did? It's times like these where-

"Thanks, Sumire." Sumire could feel a damp napkin rub across her face. She looks back down to realize that she has tears falling down as she grabs onto the napkin and starts cleaning her face. "Sorry, I didn't realize-"

"It's fine-" Sumire chokes out as she wipes away her tears. "I-" Agh, she hates it when her nose runs while she cries. She blows into the napkin before continuing. "We- we both miss someone in our lives, don't we?" Sumire laughs a little as she remembers that they're at a crêpe shop and they're just exchanging painful experiences to each other in a way to cope. She could hear the faint sound of Ann-senpai's laughter- or maybe it's a sob, she can't tell.

"Yeah- Yeah we are."

They go into another silence after that as Sumire tries to wipe the last of her tears. She wouldn't have thought that she would cry about her sister again but… it's fine. She has support now. Or maybe she always has support and she never realized it through her self-loathing. If she had seen that before... then Kasumi... 

"Hey." Sumire blinks out of her reflection and sees Ann-senpai in front of her, nudging her arm. "I'm sorry that I brought the mood down," Ann-senpai says.

"You're okay, Ann-senpai." 

Ann-senpai drops onto the chair next to Sumire. "Yeah. I... just have that thought sometimes. That I shouldn't be happy because Shiho suffered for me to get here." Ann twirls one of the pigtails in her hand. "And she wouldn't have to suffer if we accepted Maruki's offer." Sumire cringes. She can't help but agree that on some nights, she would think about Maruki's offer about removing her guilt and allowing Kasumi to live in her place. 

"But then we all wouldn't be able to grow." 

Ann-senpai smiles and Sumire takes some pleasure from that. Even if it's small. "...Yeah." She looks around. "I think we should start heading out now, people are staring at us." Really? Sumire looks around and- yep, the entire shop is looking at them. Whoops. They start cleaning their things up.

"...Hey, do you mind joining me and Ryuji sometime at the gym? We don't really hang out much after everything so…" Ann-senpai says as she pushes the chairs in and Sumire throws the napkins into the trash that's a few meters away. Score.

Sumire smiles. "Of course, I wouldn't mind. It'll be interesting to see how other people practice." She turns to see Ann-senpai beam.

"I'll talk to you about it later then." Ann-senpai picks up her bag of clothes and nods her head to the station. "We should go now." Ann-senpai looks up and Sumire blinks when she feels a water droplet fall on her nose. And another one on her shoulder. Oh. Sumire picks up her bag and they both run to the station with the increasing downpour.

* * *

Sumire hunches over and she tries to ignore the biting cold of her wet clothing. Both her and Ann-senpai, thankfully, got to the station but they got separated from each other because they had to go to different sections. Ann-senpai should be fine but it isn't bad to check… Feeling her breath coming back to her, she pulls out her phone and shoots a text.

_6:42pm - Sumire: Ann-senpai! Are you okay?_

_6:42pm - Ann: Yep- are you?_

_6:42pm - Sumire: Cold but still living!_

_6:42pm - Ann: Same._

Okay. Sumire pockets her phone and looks at her bag of wet clothes. Well, there is a laundromat near her apartment so this isn't a total wash.

Total wash. Really Sumire? 

Shaking her head at the pun, the loudspeaker announces the train she's getting on. Okay, she'll have to bolt after she leaves the train if she doesn't want to be even more soaked than she already is. The train comes and Sumire enters the cramped area with equally wet people.

As she gets settled between a soggy salaryman and a teenager who looks _done_ , her phone rings. Looking at the screen, she sees that it's her dad. He must be calling about the rain and seeing if she's okay.

"Hey, Dad."

"Sumire! Are you okay?" Sumire smiles despite her father's panicked voice. After, well... _everything_ , it's comforting to have somebody concerned for her. Even if that somebody is her overbearing dad.

"I'm fine- I'm actually on the way home right now." She hears a sigh of relief over the phone.

"Okay. Did you bring an umbrella with you?"

"No, but I think I'll be okay running back."

"... We have cold medicine in the cabinet and I'll cook some soup when I get home."

"Dad! I'll be fine."

"I'm sorry Sumire, but it's raining really heavily and I don't want you to be sick."

Sumire sighs. "Dad."

"... Okay, but I'm cooking that soup."

Sumire shakes her head. He has always been a fan of chicken noodle soup ever since she was a child. The only person in her family who didn't like it was Kasumi and that's because she always tried to eat it while it was too hot for her. Thinking about it now, Kasumi never liked hot food... "Alright. Love you, dad."

"Love you too, stay safe." The line goes dead. The salaryman sneezes and the teen looks like he's asleep while standing. Impressive with how cold the train is with the AC blasting. 

Sumire glances over the crowd of heads around her before her thoughts wander. How is Ann-senpai doing in her train? Going into her dms, she types out:

_6:47pm - Sumire: Trains are crammed_

_-here_ , that was what she was going to write. Then someone bumps her and she accidentally hit send. 

_6:47pm - Ann: And the people are rude._

_6:47pm - Ann: Someone just pushed an old woman out of her seat and slept in it!_

_6:48pm - Ann: What an ass._

Even a year later, there's always someone like this, huh? Sumire would look over at the person who bumped into her but through the endless faces that is the Tokyo train system, she doesn't start.

_6:48pm - Sumire: I'm sorry to hear that. The first time I met Senpai, that happened._

_6:48pm - Ann: Jeez, you're making me wish that I have Celestine to burn these guys._

_6:48pm - Sumire: Yeah. I wish I had Ella too._

Pocketing her phone, the announcements come on to tell her that the next stop is her's. Okay, good. Maybe she wouldn't get drenched this time.

* * *

Sprinting through the streets of Kichijoji, Sumire sprints back to her home. Rain covers everything for the second time (so much for not getting drenched). Knowing the route from heart, she runs and turns until she could see the familiar building that she calls home. Practically diving into the doorway, she turns to see the receptionist's unamused stare over his book. If she wasn't so cold, she would've acted sheepishly but right now? She’d rather get a hot shower. 

Ignoring the look, she walks into the elevator, and presses in her apartment level. She shivers (why is the air here cold too?!) and looks down to- Why is her blouse open? Oh no. Looking at the side where the buttons are supposed to be, she sees that one of them is missing. Is this why the receptionist was giving her a look? 

Looking frantically, she finds nothing other than the increasing panic inside of her. Did it pop off while she was running? She should've felt water hitting her chest though. She looks down at the open space- oh her chest is wet-

The elevator dings and Sumire grabs onto her blouse to close the hole. The elevator doors open to show that no one is in the hallway so she could safely walk to her apartment in ease. Although, just in case, she speedwalks to her door. Checking that the hallway is clear again, she lets go of her blouse and unlocks the door.

"I'm home!" Silence greets her as she kicks her sneakers off. That's not surprising from Dad's call but it still leaves her a bit disappointed. She locks the door and looks back down. She has to get the sewing kit to fix this. And she still needs that shower. 

Starting to feel colder with each step, she drops the wet bag of clothes in her room, plugs in her phone, and gets her nightclothes. Afterwards, she gets into the shower.

She feels her muscles relax under the spray of hot water as her mind wanders. Ann-senpai approved all of the outfits she picked out but will Akira liked them? Ann-senpai did say that he would get a… Sumire frowns. Every time that she's been with Akira, he has always been reserved. That changed over the time she has known him but she assumes that it's because of his experiences with the Thieves. 

So it's hard imagining Akira having blood running down his nose because she's wearing some, errr, _provocative_ clothing. If anything he'll look at her with that trademark smirk of his (even thinking about it makes her face heat up but she ignores it) and say: _"Oh Sumi? You planned this out, didn't you?_ " 

Although, he was flustered when she told him that she was horny a few days ago. When she strips for him, would he-

Wait what? _When_ she strips for him?! Sumire groans and smacks her head against the wall. She feels the warm water runoff of her back as she struggles with her thoughts.

… Sh-she wouldn't… No, she's lying to herself. If she's being honest, she really wants Akira. So why is she denying this to herself? Is se-sex really that shameful?

Well, it's just people keep on talking about it in ways that Sumire wishes to forget and Kamoshida at the beginning of the year… 

(Every time that Sumire thinks of that _monster,_ her skin crawls and vile begins to build up in her throat because she was _near_ him. She could've been a target- any girl in that school could've been a target and no one would've known better.) 

It brings shame. So much _repulsion_ to the act. But should she really project that disgust onto herself? It's just like she said to Ann. Kamoshida (there's that skin crawl again) is in jail and she isn't directly hurting anybody. If she gets consent from Akira then she shouldn't have any problem with it. So why is it still troubling her? 

In-inherently, sex is a pretty revealing act. But Akira has already seen the worst parts of her ever since they've met… She opens her eyes and sees her body, the back of her legs are red from being in the hot water for so long. Then it hits Sumire.

She doesn't know how he would react to her body.

Akira never really talked about his preferences in women but from conversations she overheard, usually guys like bigger… assets. She's never really one to pay attention to how her own body looks- she just needs to be fit and healthy for her and her sister's dream. But now, glancing down at her breasts, she feels unease at the size of them. 

Would he like how she looks when they have se-sex? He shouldn't. Compared to everyone else in the thieves (excluding Futaba-senpai), she's pitifully small and petite. Would she be able to pleasure Akira like this or would he lie to her about her inadequacies? 

She feels her hands getting clammy. It's probably time to get out. Turning the shower off, Sumire gets out and dries herself off with a towel. Should she really go through with this plan…? She shouldn't be so afraid but… There's so much to be worried about excluding all of her mental hang-ups. There is a chance of them contracting an STI or her getting a baby despite everything. Is she really going to present those onto herself and Akira?

She finishes drying herself off and puts on her nightclothes. She looks at the blouse that she needs to rebutton. It's late but she could fix this up quickly. And she needs a distraction from her thoughts anyways. She takes the shirt and looks around her apartment for the family sewing kit. 

Her mom taught her and Kasumi sewing when they were young- though both of them weren't really great at it. Sumire over time got better at it while Kasumi always pushed it off to learn more about gymnastics. 

In fact, Kasumi somehow convinced their parents to go overseas multiple times for the Olympics and some other events that didn't involve gymnastics at all. For some reason, she really liked fencing or martial arts and it was all under the excuse of _learning new styles_ and _thinking outside of the box_. 

(… Maybe Sumire should convince Mom and Dad to see one of those events again with Akira one day. It would be nice to indulge in one of her sister's interests again.)

Finding the kit and a random collection of buttons (don't ask) in her parent's closet, Sumire brings everything to her desk and starts sewing a button onto her blouse. 

A loop there, a poke there- ow! She didn't mean to push the needle that far! Putting her needle down, she runs to the bathroom and pulls out the first aid kit. Where's the bandage? No, that's too big. Nope, that's for the thumb. There it is! Applying the bandage over her finger, she closes the kit and goes back to her room. 

She's almost done sewing, she just needs to finish that last knot and put the blouse into the hamper. Including the rest of her clothes so she could dry these off in the laundry tomorrow. Finishing up her sewing job, she holds the blouse up. Thankfully, she found a button that's similar to what was on the blouse so it isn't too bad. She puts it into the clothes bag and goes to the hamper to dump it. She needs to wake up early tomorrow if she doesn't then Mom would probably see what's here and start questioning why she brought lingerie. 

She doesn't want to get teased that hard in the morning. 

Heading back into her room, she throws herself onto her bed. That was a nice distraction. But now that nagging feeling is back from her shower. 

She… shouldn't be having sex at 16. But it's always that thought- the perceived _pleasure_ that they could get from this… She can't say no to it. Especially when Akira's involved. Speaking of- Sumire could always talk about it to him when he comes over. Sumire looks at her desk where her phone is charging. 

She could always talk to him about this right now but… it would probably be better if she could tell him in person. He would probably calm her nerves about this and they could work something out that would be good for the both of them. Yeah. Yeah! When Akira comes over, she’ll just talk to him, as usual. 

Confident in her new plan, Sumire rolls over to her side and for the first time in a few days, she gets a dreamless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote like 14k words for this chapter and i wanna laser death beam myself.
> 
> see yall in 5000 years when the next chapter stops fighting with me and i write more than 28k words for that. or when smtv is out.
> 
> stay safe.


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